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Friday, October 13th 2006

11:15 AM

IT'S GOODBYE

I JUST WANT TO THANK MY FRIENDS ON BRAVENET FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME FOR SO LONG.

i WON'T BE FOSTING HERE MUCH ANYMORE. i JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO GIVE 100% SO i WON'T DO ANYTHING.

I WILL STILL BE ABOUT AT funkyfarmer1@btinternet.com FOR THOSE THAT WOULD LIKE TO STAY IN TOUCH.

GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES TO EVERYBODY

PETE

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Wednesday, September 20th 2006

8:50 PM

Hennard and Other Things


Hello Again

While we were at Bundu we decided one afternoon to visit Germansweek where my father owed a farm back in the early 50s. I remember, it vividly because while we lived there the old King died
and the new queen was crowned.It is as if it were yesterday we had a village party for all us kids in a field near the village Where all the goodies came from I have no idea as the UK at that time still had rationing of certain items, on sugar for certain.

Another memory is of going to the livestock markets at Holsworthy, Launceston, or Hatherleigh.You just don't see the south devon or shorthorn cattle we used to rear, the fields seem full of those massive, fast growing French Charolais nowadays.Hey Ho! another bit of heritage bites the dust.

Anyway, I digress and get away from the point whichever suits ya. The farm was called Hennard Mill and stood in the bottom of a beautiful valley with the river Wolf running along the bottom of the garden.

Hennard was only a small sixty acre dairy and beef farm but to us kids ( there were five of us) it was paradise. No television, no electricity, an outside toilet and we had to walk two miles to catch a taxi then a bus to get to school at Holsworthy twelve miles away. We spent our holidays helping with the haymaking or whatever the work in hand at the time. It all came to an end in 1955 when after years of suffering my father had his leg amputated because of war wounds which failed to heal.

Imagine my horror when I saw Hennard as it is today.



I know it looks a beautiful resevoir now but none the less even after fifty years I had a lump in my throat at the loss of a dream. Silly aint it?

After the disappointment of Hennard I though I would cheer myself up by posting a couple of pictures of MOUSEHOLE near Penzance. Yes, that really is the villages name and hasn't changed a bit.

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Tuesday, September 19th 2006

6:05 PM

Day 3 Into Devonshire


Today we set out at about 10am heading south to Okehampton in Devon. It took about two and a half hours to travel the seventy two miles to our next stop over,the 'Bundu' (Bundu is Swahili for outback or wilderness.I bet you never knew that? I did 'cos I'm clever and I also speak Swahili) caravan park.
http://www.bundu.co.uk/
First impressions were good but the main bugbear soon became obvious. The incessant roar from the A30 trunk road soon got into your head and really is over powering. Living as we do right out in the sticks, we just ain't used to it. Another niggle is the typical tourist fleecing that seems to prevail in these parts. OK I know that these people's business is seasonal and they have to make their money within that time span but come on, we have paid £43 for three nights here then on top of that Ms Funky had to pay 20p to dry her bloomin' hair!!!
After a lunch of Sausages, egg, beans and chips we tackled the awning, what a game that was.


Have you ever tried erecting one of these things? They have a mind of their own
We got to the good bit and drove up onto Dartmoor for a few pitures to tickle your fancy so here you are you lucky people.





Belstone's main St Baaaaabraaaa Is the one on the right

Yes Tor on Dartmoor


Thanks for visiting. See you again.

Is dinner going to be long?




See you tomorrow.
Byeeee
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Sunday, September 17th 2006

3:46 PM

Day 2


This Somerset air must be doing us the world of good. We or more accurately, I, didn't get up until 8am! Of course Baxter and Jenna were out for sniff about long before that.
Today we went for a bit of retail therapy, Ms Funky does the retail and yours truly needs the therapy. Even I have to admit that the Clarks retail village is well worth a visit if you are a shopaholic.
The next place on the agenda is 'Moorlynch' where I spent half my childhood. I hadn't been back for a proper look around. for close on forty-five years. How it has changed! What used to be cider apple orchards are now taken over by housing. I should think the village is twice the size it was. I have no idea who hands out planning permission but some of the dwellings are massive and wouldn't be out of place amongst some of Spain's more elaborate villas.

Funky's Childhood Home
After downing a pint in the 'Ring o' Bells'

It's off again to Westonzoyland where we visited the parish church.


Groves in a pillar made by soldiers sharpening
weapons prior to the battle
Oooops! Gorn overboard wiv me resizing
Here you can see where history was made. You can see the marks in the pillars where the rebels sharpened their swords on the night before the 'Battle of Sedgemoor' on the 6th of July 1685. There has been a church on this site since before 1268. A bit before my time but not a lot.
Off we whizz again! This time to Watchet with it's ancient port. I have to say I wasn't best impressed. Difficult to get there down really narrow lanes and when you do eventually arrive after risking life and limb, guess what? Its a total let down Nothing to do, unless you are Baxter! there are plenty of posts to be watered and nothing much to see except mud and a shabby light house but there you go.
The price that has to be paid by our own resorts when with airfares to sunnier climes costing less than the fuel for a trip to our own coasts by car! It also has to be said that a dust pan and brush wouldn't go amiss outside most fast food outlets.
So it's back to the caravan and some dinner. A read of the paper a glass of wine and off to the land of nod. Tomorrow we invade the 'badlands' of Devon, see you then
Byeeee
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Sunday, September 17th 2006

3:20 PM

Funky on Tour Pt 1 Take 3


The Funky Four Head For The Hills
Day one ... Sept 2 06.
We set off bright and early, like 5am and drove the 200 miles to our first port of call in about four hours. I was pleased with the way my car performed as this is the first time it has towed caravan. On arrival at Hawkridge Farm, Spaxton, Somerset. It had just stopped raining, this was the view on entering the site

Looking across the valley
Set up at Hawkridge


We were greeted with a cup of tea and a chin wag (A long one) by Mrs Carol Ling. the owner. This was a nice touch, far better than some of the grumpy buggers you meet while trudging along life's weary way.
The most exciting part fro Ms Funky's point of view was discovering that Carol is the original 'Grotbag' from the 70s TV series, Roy Hudd and Emu. What a start to her holiday to rub shoulders with a true icon of the performing arts. Kim Bassenger, eat yer heart out.
By the time we had got the caravan set up it started raining but that made no difference to us we just got back into the car and headed out across Exmoor visiting Dulverton, Dunster and Minehead. For those familiar with the book Lorna Doone by R D Blackmore This is the part of the country she strutted her stuff. Because of the weather some of the pics shown are taken from various sites on the web.

Dunster Castle


Lorna Doone Farm Taken from the web


After a long day we were all in bed by 9pm and throwing out zzzzzzzzzzzs by five past. Thinking about it Baxter is a very versatile dog! How many others do you know that can snore from both ends in sync?
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Friday, September 1st 2006

7:06 PM

Overweight women denied fertility treatment

menu for lardy ladies Porky women in the UK have been told to forget getting pregnant until they've learned to stop sticking their chubby fingers in so many pies and generally scoffing too much. A government decree, issued today by President Blair, has advised the NHS to refuse fertility treatment to tubby wannabe-mums on the grounds that it would 'only make them even fatter than they already are'.

"Thankfully most fat females are less likely to get pregnant than women who aren't greedy," said a health minister in between puffs of a cigarette. "This is most likely due to the difficult mechanics involved during any attempt at conception. Boffins have also highlighted the fact that should a plump person conceive, the average foetus then has to compete for space with 14 extra-large pizzas, 63 Big Macs and 28 KFC family buckets during gestation. Invariably the mother's appetite proves the stronger-willed of the two and her inflated stomach expands yet further, squashing the baby to death before it gets the chance to see what the inside of Matalan looks like."

The government have also uncovered alarming evidence that some enterprising roly-polys have managed somehow to engage the services of kindly, yet naive doctors, in their pursuit of children.

"We think these enormous women frighten the doctors into helping them, possibly using intimidation tactics what with their size and everything or by using lies about their comfort eating leading to depression," said someone at some point.

One GP, who earns much more than you or me, said that he had been besieged in recent years by the demands of broody big-boned women:

"They take up so much room in the waiting room for a start," he moaned whilst sipping a Singapore Sling aboard his luxury yacht, "and then, after they've squeezed through the door, they moan about how awful their life is. They're just not happy unless they've got one in the oven. I tell them to stop eating but I think their ears must be clogged up with fat 'cos they don't listen. Where will it end?"
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Monday, August 14th 2006

8:57 PM

Harrold Update

 
'Ello Me Dears.
Danger Girl wins the prize for being the 30,000th visitor to this esteemed blog. She wins first prize in the Funky lottery: A week at Funkyville all expenses paid.  Second prize was two weeks but no one bothered to apply.
Third prize is a tin of spam. Better than winning the pools, ain't it?
 
Harvest is over for another year. that must be some sort of record usually we are chugging away until the first week in September. At this moment in time I expect it to be my last. We will see?
 
 
All Hell broke out locally last weekend, At least twelve people including several police officers were severely injured  in a vicious fracas lasting over forty-five minutes when rival clerics exchanged blows of savage ferocity at the Whippet Inn public house, Harrold

According to eye-witnesses, the incident began when local mystic Mr. Dennis Parsnip (39) took offence after Neville Pappy (31), a senior member of the Church of the Holy Vestment, allegedly splashed his sandal with urine in the toilets, causing him to drop the meat pie he was eating. Parsnip then called Pappy's parentage and sexual persuasion into question, whereupon Pappy stamped on the meat pie, rendering it all but inedible. A violent fist fight ensued, during which the two brawling men fell through the door into the public bar where enraged domino players lent their assistance to the proceedings.

Police were called when Harrold's 'Mr. Charity', Reverend Oswald Barnabus Trimp (43), still recovering from a mystery disease thought by toxicologists to be contracted from sitting naked in a bath of defective peas for charity, bravely went to the aid of his outnumbered acquaintance Parsnip, hurling various items of furniture across the room and rendering several people unconscious. Fuelled with a religious fervour and still dressed in his working clothes with his holy accoutrements to hand from attending that afternoon's football match, Reverend Trimp dragged Pappy outside into the street in order to, as he later explained to our reporter: "Teach him the ways of the Lord". The two men were later released after being cautioned and no further charges were brought although police wish to interview Parsnip, who has not been seen since the incident.

Landlord Neil Downpettle (56) explained, "Various local religious committees regularly use our upstairs room for 'spiritual strategy' meetings and the like; we always seem to get mayhem from them at last orders on a Saturday night. God knows what they do up there. Still, I can't complain, they keep me in business". The meat pie was not recovered and is believed by police to have been stolen by persons unknown; any information received will be treated in the strictest confidence.
 
 
 
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Wednesday, August 2nd 2006

10:35 AM

Just a few words

Hi Again.

It's been a while again since I posted on here! I get full of good intentions then something else crops up to thwat me.

I'm sitting here in my front room listening to the wind blowing a gale and getting ready for the next downpour. What a difference to last week with the temperature in the high nineties and not a breath of air.

Harvest is well underway with the oilseed rape and  Borage in the barn. We have started the wheat but everything came to a grinding halt on Monday when the heavens opened.

Well folks, the time has finaly come to retire!!! I officially finish work on my 65th birthday this Sunday.but wll carry on until harvest is finished, then I'm off for two weeks in the caravan touring Devon and Cornwall.I expect we will have to take in 'Lorna Doone' country on Exmoor as well if Ms Funky, Baxter and Jenna have their way! Perhaps the trip will extend to three weeks at this rate.

On our return I have agreed to work 20 hours a week, which will help supplement the old pension and still give me time to do a bit of wheeling and dealing on ebay (funkym

Oooooops!!!!!! I have been rumbled!!!! I better get back to work

Tata 

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Thursday, June 29th 2006

10:27 PM

Baxter's Big News

  • Mood: Smashing
  • It's A Fact I'm in love
  • My Favourite Songs How much is that doggie in the window
Hello Folks, this is Baxter here.
I have something I want you to be first to know! I'm in LOVE. Yes that wonderful four lett word that humans bandy about so loosley. The onlt four letter word that Funky seems to use these days is the dreaded 'WERK'. We rarely see anything of him except when he comes in to sleep. Never mind he retires in a month or so, Then my lady love 'Jenna' and I can get under his feet big time. Serves him right the big turnip.
Here are a few bad pics we had taken on our holidays in Suffolk, when I get some better ones I will post them. Jenna might look a little young but us dogs grow up very quickly.

jenna (Sigh) Whispers 'sweet nothings in my lug hole


My little lovely taking in some rays.


Jenna looking out to sea


Intrepid Baxter impresses his love


Jenna staring out the way she intends to carry on....... nagging!!!!!!
That's it I'm off for another kip and hope to dream of Jenna with the black? Well, everything really.
So from me and she
Nite nite xx
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Sunday, March 26th 2006

8:19 AM

Something for Sunday

Good Morning People
I'm in a bit of a rush today. I'm filled with excitement. Funky is now the proud owner of a 'sat-nav' system. To be exact I have been an owner for about a month now and have finaly trained myself how to turn it on. I suppose things might have moved on a bit quicker had I read the instructions first! But where is the fun in that? I will let you know later how I get on, if I can find the thing. Meanwhile here is a little story for ya.
Once upon a time there was a shepherd tending his sheep at the edge of a country road on Salisbury Plain. A brand new Land Rover Discovery screeched to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, Jovial Swiss wristwatch and a BHS tie, jumped out and asked the guy "If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?" The shepherd looked at the young man, then looked at the sprawling herd of grazing sheep and said "Okay." The young man parked the 4x4, connected his notebook and wireless modem, entered a mobile site, scanned the ground using satellite imagry and a GPS, opened a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then printed a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turned to the shepherd and said "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here." The Shepherd answered "Say, you are right. Pick out a sheep."The young man took one of the animals and put it in the back of his vehicle. As he was preparing to drive away, the herder looked at him and asked "Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me back in kind?" The young man answered "Sure." The Shepherd said immediately "You are a consultant." "Exactly! How did you know?" asked the young man. "Very simple," replied the herder. "First you came here without being invited. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you do not understand anything about my business, and I'd really like to have my dog back."
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